In the near future the Grand Hippo and the Grand Visor will be brought back within close proximity with one another. This could be awesome for the world, but only if the world is ready to accept the great reunion. The Grand Visor has been troubled being so far from the ones he loves, and while his home coming is bittersweet, he will look forward to continued battling of assholery where ever it may be.

A message from a random cookie of the fortune variety

Once long ago when the Hippoists were still coming together, a great problem arrose. Several Hippoist of different races claimed to be the first TRUE Hippoists. All races represented said that the Hippo had favored them. The people of white skin said that they were the same color as the Hippo and therefore true Hippoist. While the people of dark skin said that the Hippo had the soul of themselves and therefore they were the true hippoist. The people of yellow skin claimed the hippos first choice of champions showed his preference to them. And on and on it went, day and night they argued. The Grand Visor went and summoned the Hippo himself to speak with his followers. The Hippo in his due time came and heard all of the claims of each race. And he asked them to wait until dawn the next morning to hear his verdict. The Hippoists continued to bicker and squabble for most of the night and tensions grew to such levels as violence almost broke out amoung them. And when a boiling point was almost reached, the sun shone over the mountains, and in the first few rays of light, in the gray dawn of early morning, everyone was just a shade of grey, all were as grey as the hippo was. A hushed silence fell on the masses and from the rising sun the Hippo appeared in his many colored coat. The coat was of long stripes that messed and flowed with one another. Each stripe held a different color, and each color looked different depending on the angle of the viewer and amount of light. And anyone looking at the coat long enough was sure to get the odd feeling that each stripe was changing places, but never when you were looking dirrectly at them. For a long time the Hippo stood there in all of the splender of a new day. And finally he spoke. "To all who claim I have favored their race, know I have favored all races. I did not make my choices to upset or belittle the others, but to welcome each and everyone. It is obvious to me that you need a symbol and from now on I shall wear this cloak, but remember this day, this very morning when for a moment you were all the gray of the hippo." With that the Grand Hippo stepped away and the light flooded from behind him, returning the colors to the skin of the people. That is why no one is the true hippoist, and everyone is the true hippoist.

From the book of "Warm Fuzzy Memories" by the Grand Visor

And the Grand Visor called the Hippoists to him. For he had more decrees to decree. But when the Hippoists gathered, they would not quiet, they would not let the Grand Visor make his decrees. They gnashed their teeth and spoke of assholery throughout the world. They spoke of the coming days when assholes might come to wipe out the Hippo. These were grave times for all Hippoists, and the Grand Visor would need to seek the Hippos advice on stopping the spread of assholery. So the Grand Visor made the long and dangerous trek to find the Hippo. He searched East, West, North and finally South. And to the south is where the Hippo layed. In one of his favorite pools of calm murky water the Grandest of all Hippos lay blowing bubbles through his nose. "How can you lay here and blow bubbles through your nose when all our labors in this world crumble around us?" The Grand Hippo snorted and rose from the water and retreived his cloak of many colors. "Who says the assholes are spreading?" asked the grandest of all hippos. "Your followers do." said the visor. The Grand Hippo then asked "How many where there?" And the visor tried to place a figure "Well more then last time I am sure." The Hippo closed his tiny eyes and his face creased into a smile. The Grand Visor became puzzled "why do you smile when our enemies ranks grow everyday?" The Hippo snorted again and said "You see it's not that the assholes are gaining strength or numbers. It's our own ranks are growing as well as their ability to see the asshole, take heart Grand Visor, the assholes have always been numerous, well more then us few, but we cannot always recognize them ourselves. Now that our ranks have grown and fresh eyes have joined ours, we can finally see the scope of the assholes. No it is not them that grow in power. It is us, the power of fresh thinking and new members is our newest strength." The Grand Visor nodded his head and began to smile as well. He didn't stop smiling until he reached the North again and gave the Hippos answers. That smile then passed to the lips of the other Hippoists and there is will stay whenever the encounter another of the assholes.

A story from the book of the Grand Visor

The earth did sunder and the moon did quake with the shock. A great rift had been opened, not in the earth though, but in the Grand Trinity. The Trinity was Broken and a became scattered. The details are unclear. It was a time of wailing and lamenting, and the world did lament and wail. The animals reared and bucked in the wilderness and the wind and water blew and boiled. But what was to happen to the Hippoists? Had their leader left them to be scattered to wind like the holy trinity? No, even staggered and stunned the Grand Visor would continue to spread the good news. Misfortune to hippo should not stop his message of good will or cause an end to his fight against assholery. After the great rendering many have asked if the hippo still lives. Yes the Hippo lives, and he is still teaching, but quieter now, with a more caustious heart. He now relies mostly on the Grand Visor to decree and spread his words. But he still loves all Hippoists, even those fractured from the original group. The Hippo is never bitter, the Hippo will never succumb to the one thing he has sworn to fight, becoming an asshole.
So says the Grand Visor

Stand forth and recieve yet another tale of the grandest of all hippos.
This particular hippo, being the grandest, was named the grand hippo, and it was his job to fight assholery across the world. He had but one weapon to fight the powers of deuchebaggery, his mind. While the hippo was a great creature and definately very physically powerful, he reserved his physical strength for only the most desperate of times. Nay, the power of the mind was stronger than the power of huge crushing jaws and large blunt pulverizing teeth. The hippo would outwit his apponents causing them to do harm to themselves. Coupled with the Grand Hippress, a warrior of undoubted strength, and always with a Grand Visor, a Visor of undoubted advisoringness; the grand hippo would find it hard to reach a point when violence was the answer.

This is a passage from the book of scriblings on a napkin; as told by the grand visor.

"There is a reason why Hippoism is awesome... because there is no Promethesus or Satan. There is no one outrageously punished because of a disagreement (whatever the disagreement may be) or bit of good intentions gone horribly wrong. Let's learn a bit here. Let's skank and sing instead of worrying about others and their opnions."

This was found in a fortune cookie sent by the Great Hippress.

Whyah no Messiah?
There is reason for everything in this world. Even for the reason there is no specific god or messiah in Hippoism. The Grand Hippo felt that no one should be followed blindly. If a Hippoist chooses to follow any other teachings of anyother religion it is all well and fine. The Hippo set his principles as an alternative to other religions or to enhance the beliefs of others. No Messiah or god is needed for the Hippo to teach us important lessons of life and how to interact and survive. Lessons can be learned without wild unimaginable threats or promises of a all high being. Hippoism about choices and how we choose to make them; concious thought applying it to everyday life. SO we don't need a god or a messiah, The hippo doesn't need worshipped or special rituals, he's just there to be listened to it whenever you want to.

This is a passage of the Grand Visor's letter to the Mexicans

This is not a tale of beginnings or a story of reason, It is a window to what lies ahead.
Long ago the Grand Hippo was presented a sick mother who was to give birth to twins. The Hippo used all of his grandness to deliver the children safely, but sadly the mother's life would fade away. The Grand Visor suggested a gift begiven to the 2 children, and the Hippo decided that these 2 were to serve man as a time piece for the world. As the world aged so would they. If man took care of the world, then they wouldn't age and therefore live until the end of time. At first men of all walks of life reveared them, and did as they decreed for the better of the world. But soon they were ignored, their ideas maintained the world, but didn't make it any better. And time slowly crept onward and eventually the 2 boys were banished and forgot who they had once been. Long have they lived until now, when just recently the first has fallen into serious decay. These two men have assumed the names of Dick Clark and Bob Barker. Both so old their origins have been forgotten, both so unaging until recently when the world seems at it's darkest. Dick Clark has taken a Stroke and the other of the 2 will begin to suffer. The people of the world need to once more remember the ancient wisdoms and listen to these old men. For the hippo has linked their time with the time of the earth, and when they finally fail and wither to the dust they would have been long ago, so shall the world.
This is a story from the book of "Warnings" as told by the Grand Visor.

The Three and One-Sixteenth Labors of the Grand Hippress

It was a warm summer where the air was heavy with the scent of life when the Grand Hippo decided to ask his champion to accomplish a few quests. He looked upon her kindly, already knowing her great loyalty to his teachings of peace and awesomeness would not fail her in these quests. Pointing his great snout towards the north, he spoke, "I hear of a strange people beyond those mountains. Travel there and bring back news of them."

And so the champion journeyed to beyond the northern mountains and returned a year later. When the Grand Hippo asked what had delayed her so long, the champion wept great tears as she described her treacherous journey through caverns and molten rock only to find a great waterfall that emptied into the stars. She had traveled to the end of the world, only to fail the Grand Hippo by being unable to report about any people.

The Grand Hippo smiled with his toothy hippo mouth and offered yet another quest. He spoke, "Travel south and find me a wise man who wears orange robes."

The champion, glad to find redemption, quickly journeyed south on her stumpy, hippo legs. It took another year before she could return to the Grand Hippo and, once again, she told a sad tale of failure. "I have ventured as far south as I could only to find a village where nothing made sense. It was daytime and night all at once and the old were born of the young."

Pondering on this, the Grand Hippo asked if she would complete another task. Without hesitation, the champion bowed her large head, awaiting the quest. "Head towards the west and find the maker of the music," he told her and off she went.

A year later, the champion returned appearing unwell. She told the Grand Hippo of her journey. "I traveled west to only find a land of death. There was music played on the skeletons and boulders that littered the land. I am sorry for such failure."

The Grand Hippo was silent for a long time before replying to this tale. The champion feared that she had greatly disappointed her lord. The Grand Hippo looked towards the east and spoke, "My champion, you have not failed."

"Wha...?" stammered the champion.

"You have traveled to the ends of the earth, you have visited beyond the graves, and you have traveled to the ends of time for me. My last task is that you find a creature tameable only be me in the east and bring me its heart."

The champion took a few steps before returning to the Grand Hippo. "No one has been able to request such deeds as you have done and, thus, I am tamed. I offer you my heart."

Thus the champion was named the "Grand Hippress."

Long ago there was a great rift in the world. When the earth cooled and stuff and junks started appearing, two of the new born mountains had an argument as to who was more majestic, and after a heated exchage, they seperated themselves and pulled apart. The only problem was now there was a huge rift between them. All of the newly formed things came to see the rift. The plants did nothing, because they were just plants, Men did nothing but argue about solutions, so the problem was left to the animals. The animals had a great council to decide who could help. A few of the more brash animals such as Unicorn and Yeti both grew impatient and threw themselves into the pit hoping ot plug the gap. but they were too small and fell to the bottom never to be seen again. After seeing these animals wiped from the face of the new earth, many animals left the council with little hope. Only 3 remained. Serpent, Penguin, and Hippo. Serpent wanted to wait by the rift and watch men fight over the solutions, so Penguin and Hippo moved off to think alone. Penguin began to despair and Hippo suggested they go eat to help them think. Hippo sat next the plants that were doing so little, and began to eat them. He ate and he ate, and he ate some more. Penguin noticed that Hippo kept growing larger the more he ate, and formulated a plan. More and more plants were brought to Hippo, whole trees, Gaint bushes, beautiful flowers, all were eaten by Hippo. As Penguin brought the last leaf the hippo, he started to roll Hippo over. Hippo squirmed and finally wedged himself into the rift. Hippo's enormous girth could bridge the gap, That is why the hippo is the enlightened problem solver, The Grand Hippo teaches that no gap is too far to bridge, and therefore no problem unsolveable.
This story is from the book of "Lessons" as told by the Grand Visor

And low, the clouds parted and from them came a voice, and the voice spoketh thusly. "Listen and then obey, I am the voice of right and awesome behold my warnings, The world can be a place of terror and hate, it can kill and maim, it can destroy all that is good, but it can also be a place of happiness and love, it can give birth and heal, it can nurture all that is good. Always work towards the good of the world, never against it." and then the clouds closed and the voice faded into thunder rolling in the distant Hills. Unfortunately the voice was mis-aimed and it's message was meant for a small village to the north, and it's warning would have fallen to the earth unheard had it not been for a hippo wallowing in the mud in near by pond. The hippo hearing all of this sank down into the mud and pondered. And the hippo pondered for 4 days, and when he surfaced again he was greated by a hunting party ready to strike. Instead of attacking or sinking down into the water again, he opened his wide jaws and out came the voice from the clouds and they did behold, Oh low, they beheld the crap out of the message and they dropped their weapons and went back to their tribes and spread the news of the Hippo. This is a tale from the book of "Beginings" told by the Grand Visor

I declare that there is a stoppage to words that do not need to be made up. For example, the word "metrosexual" is a word that I despise using and hearing. I also detest the word "guesstimation." I refuse to even call those words as words. They are bullshit.

"Metrosexual" is bullshit that describes a guy who has homosexual tendencies, but definitely is not homosexual. Well, there are synonyms for "homosexual" and suffixes for "tendencies" aka "like." Ahhh, there is an idea! How about "homosexual-like"? I have a better one still! "Faggoty." That one is pretty colorful as well, much better than bullshit "metrosexual."

Onto "guesstimation." This is some girl trying to be cutesy and showing off her airheadedness by putting two already established words and badly mixing it together, thus by making complete bullshit. If you try to make a whole new word out of two or more words that already exist, it is not a new word. Those are the rules, get over it.

By the way, this entry was inspired by the St. George Carlin. I have been watching his teachings a little too much lately, thus the severe lacking of eloquence on my part and I beg for your pardon. Farewell.

Greetings, my devotees. It is the Grand Hippress here and I am more than willing to grace you with my majestic presence. In case you have not had the good fortune to know of my blessedness, then I shall update you. I am part of the holy trinity which all good hippoists revere: The Grand Hippo, The Grand Hippress, and The Grand Visor. If you have a boon for the Grand Hippo which he just seems to not hear (or completely ignore), pray to me! I delight in usurping my lord's decisions (as any good female should)! I long to enlighten your minds with more of my knowledge; however, the Grand Hippress is tired of a hard day's work granting wishes and destroying heretics. Farewell.