The Three and One-Sixteenth Labors of the Grand Hippress

It was a warm summer where the air was heavy with the scent of life when the Grand Hippo decided to ask his champion to accomplish a few quests. He looked upon her kindly, already knowing her great loyalty to his teachings of peace and awesomeness would not fail her in these quests. Pointing his great snout towards the north, he spoke, "I hear of a strange people beyond those mountains. Travel there and bring back news of them."

And so the champion journeyed to beyond the northern mountains and returned a year later. When the Grand Hippo asked what had delayed her so long, the champion wept great tears as she described her treacherous journey through caverns and molten rock only to find a great waterfall that emptied into the stars. She had traveled to the end of the world, only to fail the Grand Hippo by being unable to report about any people.

The Grand Hippo smiled with his toothy hippo mouth and offered yet another quest. He spoke, "Travel south and find me a wise man who wears orange robes."

The champion, glad to find redemption, quickly journeyed south on her stumpy, hippo legs. It took another year before she could return to the Grand Hippo and, once again, she told a sad tale of failure. "I have ventured as far south as I could only to find a village where nothing made sense. It was daytime and night all at once and the old were born of the young."

Pondering on this, the Grand Hippo asked if she would complete another task. Without hesitation, the champion bowed her large head, awaiting the quest. "Head towards the west and find the maker of the music," he told her and off she went.

A year later, the champion returned appearing unwell. She told the Grand Hippo of her journey. "I traveled west to only find a land of death. There was music played on the skeletons and boulders that littered the land. I am sorry for such failure."

The Grand Hippo was silent for a long time before replying to this tale. The champion feared that she had greatly disappointed her lord. The Grand Hippo looked towards the east and spoke, "My champion, you have not failed."

"Wha...?" stammered the champion.

"You have traveled to the ends of the earth, you have visited beyond the graves, and you have traveled to the ends of time for me. My last task is that you find a creature tameable only be me in the east and bring me its heart."

The champion took a few steps before returning to the Grand Hippo. "No one has been able to request such deeds as you have done and, thus, I am tamed. I offer you my heart."

Thus the champion was named the "Grand Hippress."