This is not a tale of beginnings or a story of reason, It is a window to what lies ahead.
Long ago the Grand Hippo was presented a sick mother who was to give birth to twins. The Hippo used all of his grandness to deliver the children safely, but sadly the mother's life would fade away. The Grand Visor suggested a gift begiven to the 2 children, and the Hippo decided that these 2 were to serve man as a time piece for the world. As the world aged so would they. If man took care of the world, then they wouldn't age and therefore live until the end of time. At first men of all walks of life reveared them, and did as they decreed for the better of the world. But soon they were ignored, their ideas maintained the world, but didn't make it any better. And time slowly crept onward and eventually the 2 boys were banished and forgot who they had once been. Long have they lived until now, when just recently the first has fallen into serious decay. These two men have assumed the names of Dick Clark and Bob Barker. Both so old their origins have been forgotten, both so unaging until recently when the world seems at it's darkest. Dick Clark has taken a Stroke and the other of the 2 will begin to suffer. The people of the world need to once more remember the ancient wisdoms and listen to these old men. For the hippo has linked their time with the time of the earth, and when they finally fail and wither to the dust they would have been long ago, so shall the world.
This is a story from the book of "Warnings" as told by the Grand Visor.

The Three and One-Sixteenth Labors of the Grand Hippress

It was a warm summer where the air was heavy with the scent of life when the Grand Hippo decided to ask his champion to accomplish a few quests. He looked upon her kindly, already knowing her great loyalty to his teachings of peace and awesomeness would not fail her in these quests. Pointing his great snout towards the north, he spoke, "I hear of a strange people beyond those mountains. Travel there and bring back news of them."

And so the champion journeyed to beyond the northern mountains and returned a year later. When the Grand Hippo asked what had delayed her so long, the champion wept great tears as she described her treacherous journey through caverns and molten rock only to find a great waterfall that emptied into the stars. She had traveled to the end of the world, only to fail the Grand Hippo by being unable to report about any people.

The Grand Hippo smiled with his toothy hippo mouth and offered yet another quest. He spoke, "Travel south and find me a wise man who wears orange robes."

The champion, glad to find redemption, quickly journeyed south on her stumpy, hippo legs. It took another year before she could return to the Grand Hippo and, once again, she told a sad tale of failure. "I have ventured as far south as I could only to find a village where nothing made sense. It was daytime and night all at once and the old were born of the young."

Pondering on this, the Grand Hippo asked if she would complete another task. Without hesitation, the champion bowed her large head, awaiting the quest. "Head towards the west and find the maker of the music," he told her and off she went.

A year later, the champion returned appearing unwell. She told the Grand Hippo of her journey. "I traveled west to only find a land of death. There was music played on the skeletons and boulders that littered the land. I am sorry for such failure."

The Grand Hippo was silent for a long time before replying to this tale. The champion feared that she had greatly disappointed her lord. The Grand Hippo looked towards the east and spoke, "My champion, you have not failed."

"Wha...?" stammered the champion.

"You have traveled to the ends of the earth, you have visited beyond the graves, and you have traveled to the ends of time for me. My last task is that you find a creature tameable only be me in the east and bring me its heart."

The champion took a few steps before returning to the Grand Hippo. "No one has been able to request such deeds as you have done and, thus, I am tamed. I offer you my heart."

Thus the champion was named the "Grand Hippress."

Long ago there was a great rift in the world. When the earth cooled and stuff and junks started appearing, two of the new born mountains had an argument as to who was more majestic, and after a heated exchage, they seperated themselves and pulled apart. The only problem was now there was a huge rift between them. All of the newly formed things came to see the rift. The plants did nothing, because they were just plants, Men did nothing but argue about solutions, so the problem was left to the animals. The animals had a great council to decide who could help. A few of the more brash animals such as Unicorn and Yeti both grew impatient and threw themselves into the pit hoping ot plug the gap. but they were too small and fell to the bottom never to be seen again. After seeing these animals wiped from the face of the new earth, many animals left the council with little hope. Only 3 remained. Serpent, Penguin, and Hippo. Serpent wanted to wait by the rift and watch men fight over the solutions, so Penguin and Hippo moved off to think alone. Penguin began to despair and Hippo suggested they go eat to help them think. Hippo sat next the plants that were doing so little, and began to eat them. He ate and he ate, and he ate some more. Penguin noticed that Hippo kept growing larger the more he ate, and formulated a plan. More and more plants were brought to Hippo, whole trees, Gaint bushes, beautiful flowers, all were eaten by Hippo. As Penguin brought the last leaf the hippo, he started to roll Hippo over. Hippo squirmed and finally wedged himself into the rift. Hippo's enormous girth could bridge the gap, That is why the hippo is the enlightened problem solver, The Grand Hippo teaches that no gap is too far to bridge, and therefore no problem unsolveable.
This story is from the book of "Lessons" as told by the Grand Visor

And low, the clouds parted and from them came a voice, and the voice spoketh thusly. "Listen and then obey, I am the voice of right and awesome behold my warnings, The world can be a place of terror and hate, it can kill and maim, it can destroy all that is good, but it can also be a place of happiness and love, it can give birth and heal, it can nurture all that is good. Always work towards the good of the world, never against it." and then the clouds closed and the voice faded into thunder rolling in the distant Hills. Unfortunately the voice was mis-aimed and it's message was meant for a small village to the north, and it's warning would have fallen to the earth unheard had it not been for a hippo wallowing in the mud in near by pond. The hippo hearing all of this sank down into the mud and pondered. And the hippo pondered for 4 days, and when he surfaced again he was greated by a hunting party ready to strike. Instead of attacking or sinking down into the water again, he opened his wide jaws and out came the voice from the clouds and they did behold, Oh low, they beheld the crap out of the message and they dropped their weapons and went back to their tribes and spread the news of the Hippo. This is a tale from the book of "Beginings" told by the Grand Visor

I declare that there is a stoppage to words that do not need to be made up. For example, the word "metrosexual" is a word that I despise using and hearing. I also detest the word "guesstimation." I refuse to even call those words as words. They are bullshit.

"Metrosexual" is bullshit that describes a guy who has homosexual tendencies, but definitely is not homosexual. Well, there are synonyms for "homosexual" and suffixes for "tendencies" aka "like." Ahhh, there is an idea! How about "homosexual-like"? I have a better one still! "Faggoty." That one is pretty colorful as well, much better than bullshit "metrosexual."

Onto "guesstimation." This is some girl trying to be cutesy and showing off her airheadedness by putting two already established words and badly mixing it together, thus by making complete bullshit. If you try to make a whole new word out of two or more words that already exist, it is not a new word. Those are the rules, get over it.

By the way, this entry was inspired by the St. George Carlin. I have been watching his teachings a little too much lately, thus the severe lacking of eloquence on my part and I beg for your pardon. Farewell.

Greetings, my devotees. It is the Grand Hippress here and I am more than willing to grace you with my majestic presence. In case you have not had the good fortune to know of my blessedness, then I shall update you. I am part of the holy trinity which all good hippoists revere: The Grand Hippo, The Grand Hippress, and The Grand Visor. If you have a boon for the Grand Hippo which he just seems to not hear (or completely ignore), pray to me! I delight in usurping my lord's decisions (as any good female should)! I long to enlighten your minds with more of my knowledge; however, the Grand Hippress is tired of a hard day's work granting wishes and destroying heretics. Farewell.